I was changing a nappy the other day and my dad was over. He said, “I’ve never actually changed a nappy before”. I looked at him dumbfounded, he responded “What? Your mum always did it”. That got me thinking about how the role of dads has evolved over the years. We all know that dads are a lot more involved than they used to be. But the change in just two generations is startling.
A Blast from the Past
First off, did you know that back in the 1960s, psychologists thought dads had little to no role in child development (1)? I mean, come on! One study even showed that the average American dad in the '60s spent just 21 minutes a day with their child and of that time they only spoke with them for an average of 33 SECONDS! Fast forward to 2011, and we're clocking in at 2 hours a day. Progress, right?
The Dad Dilemma
Here's the kicker - many modern dads want to be the opposite of their own fathers (2). But guess what? There's no playbook for this. They’re often the very first dads to do this involved form of parenting.
New Zealand Statistics
I dug into some New Zealand-based research, and here's what I found:
- Level of Involvement: Dads are generally less involved than mums, but the gap narrows as the child ages (3).
- Direct Responsibility: Only a small percentage of dads are directly responsible for their children all the time (3). Compared to the majority of mums.
- Gender Differences: Interestingly, dads are more likely to read books at bedtime than mums! (3).
The Practical Bits
Alright, let's get down to some practical information:
- Work-Life Balance: Men are still predominately the breadwinner when it comes to financially supporting a new family (3).
- Parental Leave: Less than 1% of dads take up governmental paid leave. If you can, why not be a trailblazer? (4)
- Housework: Men spend an average of 10.24 hours per week on domestic chores, compared to 17.49 for women (3). Time to roll up those sleeves!
Actionable Tips for the 21st Century Dad
1. Be Present During the Early Days
- Why: The first few months are crucial for bonding with your child.
- How: Take paternity leave if possible or ask your work about dropping one day a week for the first few months. Try and be actively involved in feeding, bathing, and bedtime routines.
2. Share the Mental Load
- Why: Parenting is not just about physical tasks; it's about planning and organising too.
- How: Take the initiative to schedule doctor's appointments, plan meals, and don’t overbook social commitments.
3. Make Time for Quality Interaction
- Why: Quality time helps in emotional bonding and cognitive development.
- How: Dedicate time each day for activities like reading, playing, or simply talking with your baby.
4. Be an Equal Partner in Housework
- Why: Sharing household chores sets a good example and eases the burden on your partner. It leads to a happier and more harmonious relationship.
- How: Create a chore chart and stick to it. Make sure you're contributing equally!
5. Attend Parenting Classes or Workshops
- Why: Knowledge is power, and parenting classes can offer valuable insights.
- How: Look for local parenting workshops or online courses that you can attend with your partner. Or check out @_KiwiDad on Instagram!
6. Be Open to Feedback from each other
- Why: Parenting is a learning process, and constructive feedback can be invaluable.
- How: Regularly check in with your partner about what's working and what needs improvement in your parenting approach. Try to not get defensive!
7. Foster a Supportive Community
- Why: Parenting is easier when you have a support system.
- How: Connect with other dads, join parenting groups, and don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it.
Final Thoughts
So, what's the takeaway? Fatherhood is evolving, and it's about time we embrace the change. Whether you're a dad, a mum, or just someone interested in the dynamics of modern families, let’s keep this conversation going and support each other in this incredible journey called parenthood. Check out @_KiwiDad for weekly tips and tricks.
References:
- Yeung, W. J., Sandberg, J. F., Davis-Kean, P. E., & Hofferth, S. L. (2001). Children's time with fathers in intact families. Journal of Marriage and Family, 63(1), 136-154.
- Sarkadi, A., Kristiansson, R., Oberklaid, F., & Bremberg, S. (2008). Fathers' involvement and children's developmental outcomes: a systematic review of longitudinal studies. Acta paediatrica, 97(2), 153-158.
- Fathers’ household and childcare involvement in New Zealand: A snapshot, determinants and consequences - Ministry of Social Development (2022)
- Father Involvement: New Zealand (Callister, P, Fursman, L, 2012).
